I Dream of Jesus

Season 7
Episode 2

[Peter, Stewie and Brian are sitting at the kitchen table. Brian is reading a newspaper]
Peter: Brian, can I see that paper for a sec? [Brian hands him the paper] Huh, that’s odd. I thought that would be big news.
Brian: You thought what would be big news?
Peter: Well, there seems to be an absence of a certain ornithological piece. A headline regarding mass awareness of a certain avian variety.
Brian: What are you talking about?
Peter: Oh, have you not heard? It was my understanding that everyone had heard…
Brian: Heard what?
Stewie: Brian, don’t!
[Peter puts the record on and starts dancing and singing]
Peter: A-well-a bird-bird-bird, b-bird’s the word,
A-well-a bird-bird-bird, b-bird’s the word,
A-well-a bird-bird-bird, b-bird’s the word,
A-well-a bird-bird-bird, b-bird’s the word,
A-Brian, don’t you know, about the bird?
Well, Peter’s gonna tell you about the bird!
A-well-a bird, bird, b-bird’s the word,
A-well-a bird. Surfin’–
[Peter starts blubbering along with the song, with eventually turns into a seizure-like fit]
Brian: Oh my God, Peter, are you alright?
Peter: Pa-pa-pa ooma-mow-mow, [gets up and starts dancing again] pa-pa oomow-ma-mow,
Pa-pa-pa ooma-mow-mow, pa-pa oomow-ma-mow,
Pa-pa-pa ooma-mow-mow, pa-pa oomow-ma-mow…
[Peter continues as Brian leaves. Stewie is shown with a blank expression on his face. He then pulls a gun out and puts it to his mouth]

Hell Comes to Quahog

Season 5
Episode 3

Peter [wearing a Superstore USA smock]: You are trespassing on private property and I must ask you to leave.
Brian: What, are you out of your mind!?
[the gang of Tom Brokaws appears behind Peter]
Tom Brokaw 2: Leave this lot, losers.
Tom Brokaw 5: Unless you want a licking.
Tom Brokaw 1: And we’d love to deliver that licking, right, fellas?
Tom Brokaw 2: Yeah!
Tom Brokaw 3: Love it!
Tom Brokaw 6: A lot!
Tom Brokaw 5: I’d love to lick a lemon lollipop in Lillehammer.

Brian Sings and Swings

Season 4
Episode 19

Stewie: Hey, Brian, remember me? I’m the guy you left standing at the counter at McDonald’s with a bag full of burgers. You know it’s funny, I tried to walk home and, um, a lot of hungry deer walking around at this hour of the night and, um, oh here’s where the story gets fun, uh, you may have noticed I’m missing an ear. Managed to, uh, pull it out of the deer’s mouth and put it in some ice I got at a 7-Eleven. So when you are ready to apologize, just talk into this cup.

Stewie Kills Lois (Part 1)

Season 6
Episode 3

TV Announcer: We now return to “Harrison Ford Telling Random People He Wants His Family Back”.
[Harrison Ford is shown running down the street. He grabs a random guy.]
Harrison Ford: I want my family back!
Guy: Okay!
[Harrison Ford runs on and grabs a woman.]
Harrison Ford: Give me back my family!
Woman: Get off me!
[Harrison Ford runs on again and grabs a dog.]
Harrison Ford: I want my family back!
[The dog licks his face.]

To Love and Die in Dixie

Season 3
Episode 12

Peter: You can call me Officer T.J. Hooker. Sheriff Officer T.J. Hooker. And this is my deputy, McMillan and Wife.
Robber: Well, I hated T.J. Hooker! And I never actually saw McMillan and Wife although I was aware of it! Anyway, you’re dead!